All Barbie Needs Is A Pole
I’m conflicted about Barbie – the real one, not this alpha version that seems to epitomize my personality. I oddly like her, but she needs someone besides the Golden Globe and porn industry designers dressing her.
I didn’t start out liking Barbie. In my judgmental way, I assumed she was an empty-headed bimbo. Which is ridiculous because it’s a piece of double jointed plastic in various mediums. When my girls were toddlers I let them watch Disney Princess movies because…they’re girls and they liked princesses. But then one day my 3 year old came out of the bathroom all dressed up, covered in Clinique, and asked if I thought a handsome prince would want to kiss her.
Buh-bye, Disney Princesses. Whyyyyy the focus on the prince? Why do they typically end films with kissing? And what the cheese is up with them always offing the parents??? Think about that – a children’s movie company that develops movies which repeatedly removes the parents in a tragic form. What. The. Cheese?
Enter Barbie.
My history with the Barbie dolls is probably different from most girls’. My parents never bought them for any of my 3 older sisters to my knowledge, and I just wasn’t a doll person. But when I was probably 7 my neighbor gave me her collection. I remember being excited (new toys, yay!), and then I remembered being confused. Put the clothes on, take them off, repeat ad infinitum. Wait….that’s It??? Seriously? So instead, I did what came naturally to me. I found one of my (4) brother’s slingshots and summarily began launching Barbies all over our backyard. WAAAAAAY more fun. I became really good at Barbie-launching. Eventually they became BB gun target practice. My youngest daughter is totally offended I’d do such a thing to Barbie. But back to choosing Barbie over Disney…
I was really shocked at the message within many of the movies. While Disney Princesses were all about bagging the handsome, white-knight prince, Barbie was preaching character. That who you are inside is what matters. Hard work, honesty and integrity, loyalty, using your brain, doing things for others…THAT was the overarching message pretty consistently. (I seriously can’t believe I’m pimping Barbie as a pseudo role model here.)
Trust me, I’m a red-blooded American girl who loves real men so I don’t have a problem with the concept of romance, making out, or men in general, just not for little girls….not yet. And I’m sorry, but I just think the whole Disney Princess thing is cheesy. And a ripoff. Let’s work on character first.
I also never really had a beef with how Barbie was built. It’s a doll, let’s not freak out over it. And I was kind of built the same way. If you don’t like them, don’t buy them. But the clothes…holy mother of hoochie. My youngest still likes Barbies so she asked for clothes for Christmas. I think they’re getting smaller. And the shoes are getting taller. My 84 year old mother kept saying, “She needs underwear!” I have a couple pairs of shoes like these and I literally call them my stripper shoes as a joke. At this point really, all Barbie needs is a pole.
As I side note, if you’re so inclined, go on Netflix and watch “Barbie, Life In A Dreamhouse.” It’s a hilarious parody on itself. If you don’t have a stick up your rear and aren’t a bitter feminist, it’s great fun.