If That’s Coyote Poo On My Ceiling I’m Moving Out

I live in a world where I’m simultaneously in love with and grossed out by my children.  So basically, I’m a typical mother.

The background…

I went on a date last night. That was probably a mistake only because I was still sick and I feel worse today so I probably jumped the gun on that.  Live and learn.  But hey, I wouldn’t know about this new development had that not happened, so that’s something.

Fast forward to today and I’m laying on the couch in my suite trying to take it easy, just reading. That’s when I looked up. I don’t normally lay down on this prime piece of real estate so I don’t usually have a reason to examine the ceiling. Now I just have one question:

Does anyone else have handprints all over their ceiling??? Anyone?!

And I don’t mean a faint outline of a possible hand, I mean like the kids went outside, played on the hill for a few hours digging foxholes fit for a civil war, then “washed” their hands (that explains the condition of my hand towels) before standing on furniture and bracing themselves on the ceiling with their contaminated monkey fingers.

Those kinds of hand prints. The kind that should be swabbed and examined for bacteria and traces of coyote poo and bunny entrails.
I’m so grossed out.